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changes

changes

Lately I've been going through the archives of style rookie, and Tavi's feelings and aesthetic obsessions are so present in those posts, they're leaking out of her. It's truly her diary, and it's incredible and pure. There are so many mood boards of stills from Sophia Coppola films, references to favorite albums, couture pieces that floor her, this whole stream of consciousness that's so unique to this time in adolescence.

I've also been devouring Kate Zambreno's Heroine, in which she draws a stunning portrait of the wives of modernism and other influential women writers who are so often used as muses and dismissed as real artists. She examines the female writer and the way she's perceived-- as emotional and impulsive and of less literary merit in most cases. She empowers this feminine experience, screams for young girls to begin sharing their voice in whatever way they choose, however raw, it has value.

"A diary as a way for girls to be kept safe, to feel free to write her emotions and nascent ideas without being disciplined. This is often the mode that allows her to come to writing-- perhaps this is why it's so widely decided as not literary or seen as raw material. Yet the diary is part of the girl's process-- a way to do the work." Kate Zambreno in Heroines

That being said, I've been embracing this diary style of writing. It's not new for me; in a way I'm reclaiming my preferred method of writing-- expressive, rambling, the unashamed portrayal of self. I feel most comfortable with this style and like it's the best work I produce. But often it's been things I'm afraid to share so they remain in my journal-- or worse, as bits of inspiration or repeated in my head until they're forgotten.

Even though I've made a conscious effort to portray myself, I feel like the me on this blog is so suppressed, so contrived, even though I'm the one in charge of it. I do love the things I write about, but I feel like I'm more concerned with displaying these things rather than depicting their importance with my writing. I'm not displaying my authentic self, my authentic passion. I'm not satisfied with a lot of my words on this blog because I feel like so much of it doesn't actually mean anything. And also, I've changed and evolved a lot as a person even in the past 18 months of this blog, but I feel trapped by the structure that I began with.

I'm going to start sharing these things that I was scared to post before. I don't have to be polished because I'm not polished. I've been so afraid this past year because I used to think I had this crystal-clear idea of where I was going, and then I realized I have no idea. That ambiguous fear has distracted me from exploring all of these things that I'm truly passionate about. There's so much potential if I explore these things, so that's going to be a main part of this blog. Expect things to be more personal, to have that diary-esque feel, more mood boards!

I want to sort of redesign the way I view and treat the whole blogging process this summer. It's probably going to be messy, but that's the point. I'm seventeen, and I've had a fashion blog since I was fourteen, and now I want things to be different.


much love as always,
claire

right now

right now

may playlist

may playlist